We've all been excited about the 2009 recruiting class, and with good reason: it's pretty awesome. However, let's not take anything away from the team that will take the field in 2008; they're great too. In fact, here's some interesting facts about the Buckeyes that you may not know. The Man will keep these out of the media guides and programs, but since I'm a beacon of truth and integrity*, I feel it is my duty to present these 100% true facts** to you. Maybe you'll learn something new about your favorite player, and you'll appreciate these student-athletes in a whole new light.

*Not true
** 100% not true

Junior running back Chris "Beanie" Wells is no longer welcome in Italy, after an unfortunate stiff-arm-related dare resulted in severe damage to what was formerly known as the "Perfectly Normal Tower of Pisa."

In the event that Bruce Willis and a colorful group of oil rig workers are not available, sophomore linebacker Brian Rolle will be Earth's first, last, and only line of defense against killer asteroids. Scientists and military officials alike put the Rolle Plan's chances of success at 110%, because Brian Rolle always gives 110%.

Senior punter A.J. Trapasso is in talks with several private firms to assist with satellite launches. Not because his punts reach the exosphere (though they do), but because he is a rocket scientist.

In the offseason, junior center Jim Cordle works for a top-secret government agency. He spent last summer in CENSORED when the situation turned ugly as his cover was blown and he was attacked by CENSORED. Armed only with a spork, ten feet of rope, and the remains of an old boot, he successfully CENSORED, then proceeded to CENSORED along with CENSORED, only to discover he had left the monkey behind. He CENSORED for CENSORED days, until CENSORED. Today that monkey is president of CENSORED, but nobody knows it but Jim. And now you.

One day, senior cornerback Malcolm Jenkins' brother upset Malcolm. At the dinner table that night, he asked for someone to pass him the salt. To this day, nobody has successfully completed a salt pass to Malcolm's brother.

Sophomore offensive lineman Connor Smith accidentally invented the mullet one afternoon. He went on to develop several theories that revolutionized the field of linguistic anthropology, but all anybody ever wants to talk about is the mullet, much to Smith's chagrin.

Senior linebacker James Laurinaitis hunts Bigfoot (or "Sasquatch") in his spare time. Laurinaitis admits that his technique of calling "Hey, Bigfoot, I'm going to tackle you" is not likely to be successful, though Brent Musberger considers Laurinaitis "the best Bigfoot hunter in the game today."

Junior wide receiver Brian Hartline is regarded as a hero in Sweden. Hartline doesn't like to talk about it and the Swedes only discuss him in metaphorical songs and poetry, so nobody is quite sure why.

Senior defensive tackle Nader Abdallah once played a day-long banjo solo, with one short break nine hours in to freeze a charging rhinoceros in its tracks with an icy stare.

Freshman quarterback Terrelle Pryor is the prophesied one who will bring balance to the Force.

Strong with the Force he is.